Dear Madame Manners,
My BFF Justin often borrows clothing; in particular my leather jacket, cover, vest and other recent purchases that I made at the 2015 MAL exhibit hall are often out on loan to him. About three weeks ago, Justin borrowed my jacket and when it was returned to me it was clearly stained and appeared splattered with dried cake-like matter. And, since Justin was wearing my chaps too they were also returned with a large white crusty looking stain mid-way down the left leg. Now I don’t mean to whine because Justin is a really great guy and we’ve been friends for many years and I don’t want to risk losing his friendship over this – but I am really beginning to get very annoyed. I have tried mentioning my displeasure to him in a friendly, joking, manner but he doesn’t seem to get it. Please Madame Manners, are you able to help?
Since it usually takes Madame Manners at least 3 – 4 weeks to answer all the mail I receive, you may have either worked this all out by now, or, you have allowed yourself to build further resentment towards Justin. Honestly, at this point in time I’m just hoping you haven’t already hacked Justin to death during one of your passive aggressive homicidal rages that you curiously fail to mention. And by the way, if you haven’t been subjected to those rages yet, then you’d better get ready because a hurricane is a’comin’ and I for one am hoping you don’t work at a post office (at least not at one near my own summer home in Maine).
Now to answer your question: your friend Justin is no real friend and if you cannot address his disrespectful behavior and complete disregard for both social and leather etiquette, and also the rules that are inherent of true friendship, then Justin needs to be cut and then cut loose. Really Kenny, have you ever had a true and good friend? If so, recall that you were probably rarely, if ever, taken advantage of and also, real BFFs can usually communicate honestly because the foundations of true friendship are there.
The first three things that I learned as a child at the 1969 Centaur MC Sunshine Leather Camp was to:
- Respect another person’s leather
- The correct way to peel and devein shrimp for Leather Cocktails
- Respect the all powerful God who cast the beautiful young Ryan O’Neal in Peyton Place
Kenny, if taking care of your leather means not loaning it to friends, then DON’T! I’ve never understood the reason why friends consistently and with regularity borrow other friends regular street clothes much less the sacred and often very expensive leather attire!?! And even more baffling are the well-meaning friends who cannot say, “no,” so that resentment is built until all hell breaks loose and the final story ends up on the evening news; and there, your own neighbors that you have both silently cruised and ignored for the past seven years will speak of how “quiet and nice” you were and that while you did appear to be friendly, you mostly kept to yourself. Grow up Kenny and deal with this situation, nip it in the overgrown bud, and take your leathers to a bootblack to clean, and move on.
P.S. By the way, the way you describe those stains, it sounds like your friend Justin may have attended my recent Cake and Cum Ball. Perhaps Kenny if you had attended my Cake and Cum Ball and had worn your own leather then those stains would have belonged to you? Perhaps you sat at home that evening and concocted another bitter stew seasoned in your own resentment and simmered in your passive aggressive crocodile tears? “Bitter, table for one.”